It began when I was young and I didn't get to have any hand-me-downs from my sisters because I was larger than they were. My third sister, that was only 12 months younger than I, wore a much smaller size than I did as well. One day in high school when I was walking in my sexy little knit p.e. uniform and a male classmate hollered at me from behind to ask, "what are those dimples on the back of your legs?" Enter - cellulite! Next memory was when I was riding home with the most popular girl in our class of over 500, again in our favorite p.e. uniform, and I noticed when she shifted gears in her car, her legs were so stinkin' thin! I looked at her legs and looked at mine and back and forth countless times. Enter - peer pressure!
The kicker was when my mother told me she wanted to introduce me to an engineer where she worked, as soon as I lost 15 pounds. I wonder what each of you are thinking at this point. Wondering what size I was right? Well, I'll tell you and I would honestly give anything to be that size again. I was 5' 9 1/2" and weighed 140-145. Enter - Lack of self worth!
After the birth of my first child, I began to pack on the pounds due to stress, lack of sleep from a sickly little boy and severe post partum depression. The depression is another blog post in itself. I promise it is an amazing story and I share it as often as I can. I settled in at about 65 pounds heavier than I was before pregnancy and lived contently for the next few years.
When we started planning for our second child, I wanted to start out healthier since I had gained 40 pounds with my first child. I walked a mile a day on the treadmill and cut out all sweets and dropped 100 pounds pronto! It felt so good. I only gained 25 pounds with this pregnancy so I was looking and feelin' great! My second son spent the first two weeks in NICU and was also a very sickly baby. When momma's stressed, she eats! And it's not healthy stuff, sad to say. I packed on every last one of those pounds I had lost. Back to square one complete with voices of failure shouting in my mind.
After seven years, God impressed upon us to have more children (again, another story, another day) and since I always have good intentions, I set out to lose those same dastardly pounds I had yo-yoed with the last 12 years. Without sweets, I dropped 100 pounds and with added prayer gave birth to a precious baby girl. Being kissin' cousins' to 40 years old, I was much wiser than when I delivered at 24. I only gained eight pounds during the pregnancy. My angel weighed 7' 11". Life was great. When she was seven months old, I conceived again and as you can probably tell by now, when I am stressed I turn to the pantry and plate section and console myself. I was overwhelmed with four children; I was homeschooling (go ahead and say it...another story, another day, ) and the new little one was sickly too.
Several years later, medical problems forced me to have a complete hysterectomy and with that surgery came a surprise bonus of a whopping 25 pound weight gain! It was instantaneous. I couldn't fit in the same clothes I arrived at the hospital in. All the research I had done, and I had not run across that tasty tidbit. (No pun intended.)
Warp speed to current day...I have continued to gain and lose weight, I have at least five sizes of clothes in my closet at all times, I have fought demons, dealt with past failures and lack of self-esteem. I have run to the mountain top and screamed "Hallelujah" each time I reach my goal and then on a much quieter note yell, "Oh Man, here we go again" when those pants get more difficult to button. My friends love me through thick and thin and are oh so supportive. My husband must wear rose-colored glasses because he is madly in love with me whether I'm itty bitty or big butt Bertha (no offense to any Bertha's out there).
I am blessed and I must remember my triumphs, my supportive family and friends as I once again tread those dietary waters. I will repeat what I used four years ago when I lost 80 pounds for my son's wedding: high protein diets. It works for me. With my other son preparing for his wedding in January, I need to get this horse hitched up and start on my journey.
Pray for me and feel free to share your scary scale stories too.
With a smile and a happy heart,
Elle
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